Discord
by Willowtuft
Summary: Deidara had always known ninjas went through great challenges in their lives. He just never imagined they would come in the form of his teammates.


**A little plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. It's a bit of a one-shot thing, but it could become more if people like it.**

 _ **Zombies eat brains…don't worry, most of you have nothing to worry about- Grumpy Cat**_

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From the moment he woke up he knew it was going to be a terrible day.

He'd been shaken awake at the crack of dawn for 'training' with his two teammates, then sentenced to another day trudging through the southeast swamps. It was the worst time of the year to be in southern Rock. It's marshy topography made for miserable summer months. The road, if it could still be called by such a title, was such a mess of squishy, stinking mud from all the rain the area had gotten in the last week, that it had nearly merged with the swamp surrounding it. The air was too humid, the sun too bright, and somebody needed to kill those that freaking idiot that thought now was a good time to whine like a freaking child-

In short his first C-rank was turning out to be a disaster. The very concept of the mission was so stupid, he couldn't fathom why someone would pay for Iwagakure to send a team all the way across the country to complete it. Apparently some dolt decided 'Hey, I'm hauling my whole farm's worth of stock up to the capital for market day. You know what I should do instead of sanely just taking them the twenty miles by myself? Hire a team of ninja to do it for me!' And while chasing fleeing animals down every time the wagon overturned was easier as a ninja, it was a waste of their time and talents.

Ahead, his sensei was sitting in the mule-drawn wagon-the back of which was filled to the brim with baa-ing lambs, chickens, and a few ducks-conversing with the simple-minded farm worker the owner had sent with them. Something about crop rotation or whatever, he didn't care.

Behind him, the migraine inducing female of their team was beginning her antics yet again.

"I could totally take you on." she chirped to her current target, it seemed like she could never go more then a minute without annoying someone, "As soon as we get back, we're sparring, no holds barred!" Short, with rough, mousy brown hair, tied messily into a bun, small brown eyes, and a sharp tongue. She was spunky, sassy, and average and below in every skill necessary to a ninja's survival, her only redeeming quality being her ferocity. Well, that and her strength, which she never used for anything useful. She, for some insane reason, felt the need to pack every single thing she thought they could possibly need for a mission, without the aid of a single storage seal. Sensei had tried to talk her out of more than half of her supplies, her backpack easily dwarfing her, but the only thing she had relinquished had been a pack of exploding tags. How she got them, nobody knew, but given her track record, they were safer with sensei.

Most of what she brought was worthless to the mission, but her snacks at least had been tasty.

"Anytime, anyplace Miko." The other boy, who name was Hideji, was nearly six feet tall. He had apparently been held back a few grades in the Academy, though you could never get him to admit it. You didn't really need him to, as his height, and stubble left from shaving told the story for him. He had the ugliest orange hair, cut so short , he nearly looked bald. Deidara knew had yet to practice any personal hygiene, as he often stunk to high Heaven. His talent was surprisingly in Genjutsu, the only reason the Academy hadn't kicked him out the second time he failed the exams. He kinda sucked in everything else. Deidara didn't like him, but he could at least ally with him to face down their terror of a teammate once in a while.

Hideji bent down to Miko's level, "I'll squish you like a bug." he snickered, in the process blowing his infamously vile breath in her face.

Miko staggered back, gagging,"Ack! I've been contaminated!"

Deidara sighed and tried to ignore the both of them. If not for the sake of keeping face in front of an indirect client, then because he'd been forbidden to use his explosion release on them after the 'incident' a week ago. Words and fists did nothing to stop them. The size difference between the two of them and him was infuriating, a fact which both had teased him relentlessly about. He found it easier in these situation to simply not get involved.

Hideji grinned, revealing yellow, unbrushed teeth,"If you can't even withstand my breath attack, how're you gonna beat me in our spar?"

She glared up at the behemoth, before swinging her swollen backpack around, reaching into its unknown depths. "I know there's breath mints in here somewhere..."

Those two alone had gotten into five tussles since the beginning of this mission, it sounded like they were about to get into their sixth.

"Found some!" She emergered,"Eat them."

"Heh, no way. Who knows where you got those."

"Eat them ogre, or I'll shove them down your throat!"

"Not gonna." Apparently that was the wrong answer. "Hey, what the heck are you doing!" Hideji squeaked. Deidara whipped his head around to see Miko climbing the Ogre's like a feminine monkey, backpack and all. "Get off pipsqueak!" He staggered under the weight of the girl's backpack, nearly slipping on a patch of wet grass, before he reached over his shoulder, grabbing her to try to throw her off.

He sighed, knowing from experience this wouldn't end well.

"Not until you eat the mints!" She clung on for dear life, objects from her still open backpack flying everywhere. She dug her heels into his side, and wrapped her arms so hard around his neck, his face started turning blue. Managing to get a hand up to his face she shoved her precious mints up against his mouth. "Eat them!"

"Miko, get down. You're embarrassing yourself." Sensei, who had thus far been silent, finally intervened, calling back from the wagon. The farmhand was guffawing beside him, the sight too much for him to stay straight faced.

"B-but-"

"Now."

"Hideji started it." she whined. Her victim started twitching spastically.

Their sensei slowly turned around,"Are you really going to make come back there?" Miko slowly shook her head. "Good." He turned back to the young man who with still in stitches from the scene, ignoring his students once again.

Miko pouted, but relinquished her grip on the almost unconscious boy's throat, dropping to the ground. "Whatever."

Hideji collapsed on his knees, splashing mud everywhere, while gasping for breath. "Crazy...stupid little...psycho..." He grabbed a handful of mud, and halfheartedly flung it at her.

Miko stuck her tongue out him, easily dodging his wayward projectile. A sudden bleating from the livestock caught her attention, and she raced ahead, conflict and mints forgotten, to go do whatever girls do when they see a cute animal.

It was, unfortunately, a normal day with his team.

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 **I don't know if I'm going to go anywhere with this. It is kind of a pilot chapter of sorts, though I'll continue it as long as the writing juices are flowing.**

 **As always, I love to hear from lovely reviewers!**


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